Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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