I think my fart just growled at me.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Randomize
