well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
