Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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