We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
