the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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