I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize