it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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