meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
