toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
