he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
