If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
