i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
