I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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