I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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