Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
