Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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