After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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