I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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