Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
