In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
