i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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