we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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