If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
