Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
