maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
