Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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