Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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