I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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