All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize