i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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