Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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