One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
