I bet he comes in French.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
