We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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