Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
