just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
