don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
