She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
