hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize