WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
