Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
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