yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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