Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
