I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
