oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
