Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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