He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize