my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Still dying that you shit outside
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
