Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
