We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
