i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
