whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
