I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
