Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
