i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
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