and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
