Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
