At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
