You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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