Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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