first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize