Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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