I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
