new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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