Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
