Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
