Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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