I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
