who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
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