he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
me + whiskey = a bad person
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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