I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
