Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You dont lie about slip and slides
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
