i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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