Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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