I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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