i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize