barbara walters just said penis...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
