i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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