Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just invented taco cereal.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
