someone get that fucking seahorse.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize