i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
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