I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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