Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
