dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Randomize
