Whatcha textin bout Willis?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
