I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
