actually, I'm a sock model
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
