I just threw up on my dentist
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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