Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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