i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
