Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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