I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
