McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize