Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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