Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize