my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
