omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
