The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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