Will you blow on my dice?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
