this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
