Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
